Day 2 in the life of Sgt Walt ER Mitty - Wanger
Infamy Infamy they've all got it infamy!!! Just received word that someone in the UK said a naughty word about me. This guy is obviously an agent of the dark forces ranged against me (kinda like SMERSH or COBRA or something...maybe like Skeletor even!!) These guys are trying to "DESTROY ME" because I am making the world safe against rapists, murderers, terrorists and other such nasty people who need to be KILLED KILLED KILLED.
I peed in my pants a little when I found out. Trotted out my usual line of delusional paranoid bullshit and let them know that Sgt Walt ER Mitty-WANGER stands ready to protect this universe against the evil nasties until such time as he crosses the rainbow bridge to Valhalla.
Dipped my big toe in the Atlantic ocean today. It's the foundation for my next course "How to survive hostile Oceanic environments. £125 per day... 50% non-refundable deposit." Wrote it up to let people know that my survival skills had been developed to such an extent that I was able to walk away from the Atlantic without anything more debilitating than a chilled tootsie. Fuck Aquaman... I am the King of the Ocean.
Bumped my noggin again getting out of the car. Third time this week... it really hurts since I stopped wearing the crash helmet everwhere I go. Developed a new "environmental defence course... £125 per day.. 50% non-refundable deposit" It consists of showing people for four hours how smashing someone's head against a hard object can cause damage. Banged my own head against a wall for hundreds of hours developing the idea with no side-effects except I now dribble when I talk.
Got my new Captain America underpants today. Was nice to change the old pair after wearing them since I was six years old. They were starting to pinch a bit and even my mommy says they were a bit wiffy. I think that's just the bullshit I constantly surround myself with.
Be a hard target biyatches....